Sunday, December 21, 2008


Well Ricky, its now Christmas time.  Its gonna be pretty lonely without you here.  I know you would probably have to work and would be complaining like crazy about driving in this snow we have.  You would have had to put chains on to get out of the parking lot, but at least you would have been undercover to put them on. Michelle had to have Nate put chains on for her. She has mine so I only have chains for the van. You would love the weather here, it is below freezing, and for Newberg, that is cold. We even got a bunch of snow here. So much I can't even get my van open it is frozen shut, let alone get it out of the driveway! 

I know this was not your plan, to many indications you were not ready yet.  But since fate has taken you, we will be spending Christmas without you here.  Its gonna be sad not to have you here to put the kids toys together like you always did. You always did have a funny way of putting the doll houses and cars together for us.

You will be missed this Christmas.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

I Miss You


I miss you so much. It still hurts and I think about you each and every day. I can still see you the first time we were allowed to see you. You had that shit eating grin on your face. I believe you were thinking the whole world can go to hell, you didn't care. I am taking care of all your finances for you, and socail security will be my last stop. I am going to file your taxes for you, I know you don't want the government getting one cent more then they deserve, and that is nothing. I need something from you. I need you to let me know somehow what you would want me to do with your games, systems, magazines and such. You know I certainly am not going to try to play them, I have a hard enough time with astroids and space invaders. The swords I am keeping except for the one that your sister has. I am staying up here instead of moving down south, I am afraid your sister might try the same rediculous thing, although not in the same way. I want to be here for her when she needs me, I am not ready for another loss. You know I will be ok someday, but for now I have to hide behind this wall so no one sees the hurt and emptyness I am feeling. Be assured, I will always love you and keep you in my heart.

Your Mother

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Dear Judicial System

Dear Judicial System,

This shit about jury duty is fucking retarded! What’s the point of taking hard working people out of their job forcing them to lose pay for being a jury on a case that they don’t give a fuck about? The whole point of it is just stupid, you should use retired senior citizens for this because they get paid the same whether they sit at home and knit or go out shopping it doesn’t matter and they can afford it.
Taking random people away from their jobs and paying them maybe $5 a day is a fucking joke, I, for one cant afford the pay hit perhaps some people can and woopie-fuckin-doo for them maybe you should get them to serve on your fucking dumbass jury instead of taking people who, for one doesn’t want to, two doesn’t care, and three cant afford to lose out the their pay from there jobs.
You government fucktards should really rethink your system because for one, your hurting several people by forcing them to take pay hits to help decide some stupid ass case they don’t care about and two your punishing people for no reason they haven’t done anything to deserve it.
Also last time I checked America’s slogan was "Land of the Free" where’s the freedom in being forced into jury duty either you go or you don’t and you pay for it with either jail time, a massive fine or both.
The word ‘free’ is defined as:

"enjoying personal liberty; not enslaved"
"enjoying civil or political liberty; self-governing"
"existing under civil liberty, as a country"
"unrestricted in opinion, choice, or action; independent."
In the dictionary, and I don’t see anything relating to it in the way the jury system works, which makes the term "Land of the Free" complete and utter bullshit. It’s not even limited to jury duty, it goes with every thing the government is involved with. Speaking of the government who claims to be ‘for the people’ cause they or you for that matter is far from being ‘for the people’ which makes that term complete bullshit as well. All in all we in America are not free, we’re slaves to the government who makes us believe were free with a shitload of promises and lies that give us hope and being stupid people we are we believe them.
It may sound like I’m pro-terrorist but I am not, I'm against terrorist and am not one myself. I am simply an American who sees the corrupted government for what it is, if only everyone did maybe it would change.
Back to the topic at hand, your god damn fucking piece of shit jury duty policy is nothing but a big steaming pile of rancid garbage, and subjecting people to its foul odor should be against the law. In this so called "Land of the Free" no one should be forced to do anything they don’t want to if they haven’t done anything wrong to deserve it. I hope all your wrong doings blow up in your god damn faces, cause you fucking deserve it!
A Fucking Pissed off American

Monday, May 12, 2008

Tribute Web Site

I have created this web site for family and friends to add their tributes and thoughts of Ricky.

This web site will continue to add blogs as they are found.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Rickys Last Look

After Ricky had passed away from accidential affixation, I tried to recreate what his last look at his apartment was. The video is intense and dark in places. It is believed that Ricky was trying to make a video by himself, and in the process, something went wrong and he strangled.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

To My Son

My son took his life on April 18th, these are some of the final words to him

To My Son,
I Love you, my son. I understand why you chose the path you did, and your belief in life and what it was about. I know you were sad, depressed and troubled, and I can not forgive myself for not seeing your troubled mind. If I had taken more time to listen to you, and to share your desparation with you, you might still be here today. I miss you, my son. I am sorry I did not see your call for help. I would have gladly taken your place, you are so young and had so much to live for. Even in such a cruel world you lived in, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and the desparation you were faced with that light you were not able to see. As your journey continues, may you find Peace within yourself and forgive those who did not take time to listen to you. I love you, My Son.

Ricky Believed in Rebirth

"Everyones Birth leads to their destruction, and Destruction is a form of Rebirth. When there is no one left, only then will Humanity be set free..."

Ricky believed in Rebirth. Destruction is a form of rebirth.

Imangine a luscious forest bursting with vegitation. Trees, Shrubs, Flowers and ferns gently emerging from the dark of night, shrouded in a glistening cloak of dew.

Pure sparkling water is illuminated on the soft green leafs by the days first rays of light from the sun as it peers over the horizon. Fleeting drops descend to the undergrowth from leafs that flutter in the gentle breeze of dawn. Picture a soft, blue sky as it welcomes the rising sun into the day with not a cloud to obstruct its radiance. This day is calm and quiet. The day is perfect.
Envision, as the day begins to pass, so does the sun's glory as clouds steadily stampede into the scenery. The sun is swallowed by dark clouds, emitting the sense of an unsettling omen. In the midst of the darkness beneath the storm comes a deafening crack comparable to the voices of the gods.

A blinding light leaves the afterimage of what, in short time, be but a memory of what was once gorgeous. At last, a spark comes from the heavens transforming the forest floor into a blazing deathbead of chaos, tearing the paradise asunder. Engulfed in flames the woods, the woods are unviting.

The brush beneath the canopy crackles as searing heat devours its life. Entire trees are turned to ash. The ground is blackened and burned as acres upon acres of forest life are plummented into chaos while the flames harvest plant life.

Shortly thereafter will come silence only disturbed by the subtle effevercence of ashes and embers as they spew forth geysters of smoke. The scenery appears damned, condemned to inexistence, and destened to be forgotten, but beneath the soot lies a glimmering hope. Within the cinders is nutrition for new life. Seeds feed on the destruction and begin to grow. In time, the new life will flourish again.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Friday, April 25, 2008




I like a majority of things: video games, computers, lifting weights... mmmm ok really only 3 things i can think of off hand anyway.

Music I like all kinds of music, but Rock is probably my most favorite and my Favorite band is Disturbed cause they totally kick ass.

Movies When it comes to movies im sure some would consider me a dork but oh well, my favorites are: all 3 Lord of the Rings movies, both Spiderman movies, Bad Boys 1 & 2, The Warriors, Fantastic Four and the list goes on and on.

Television The Series Dark Angel was so awesome I liked that one, shame it only had 2 seasons, I love anime I wont start naming them off as to not to bore you. The Animated Spider-man Series that was on fox, I think it plays on Jetix now but that was an awesome series, I liked the Cel Shaded computer animated Spidey series that was on MTV as well.

Books I dont read much so enjoy this awesome video and song, its End of all Hope by Nightwish


* Listening to: Hello Zepp
* Reading: My Mind
* Eating: Fruit Loops Cereal
* Drinking: Milk from the Fruit Loops Cereal

This is just retarded.

Ok I am gonna go into a short rant about this cause I thinkg the whole thing is fucked up.

So i got a jury duty summon I dont know if I actually have to go and wont till april 24th but the thing is they take you out of your job and only pay you like $5 a day IF that and i make a little more then double that in an hour at work, and the thing can last up to 2 weeks?!?! Its fucking retarded missing 2 weeks of work would probably get me evicted from my apartments cause i wouldnt be able to afford my rent, 2 weeks is near $900 for me and they dont take that into account, they dont plan on paying my rent for me. They should have retired senior citizens do this shit rather then other people. For one senior citizens are much wiser and have more knowledge and can probably give a much better decision then some 22 year old. Secondly there retired what else are they doin with there day, they get a retirement check whether the sit at home and knit or be in a jury. What kind of courtroom would want the opinion of an immature 22 year old who hates politics, doesnt watch the news, has no idea what global warming is, couldnt care less for our judicial system, and loves to see women tied up in distressing situations? What kind of court would want that i ask you....WHAT KIND???

Alright i feel a little better now, not the best rant but it made me feel better, I think the whole jury duty thing is one of the stupidest things on the planet

When life knocks you down, go postal.



Dear IRS,

You all are a bunch of fucking assholes up there! You take my money all year making me struggle to make payments and pay bills then when taxes are due you charge me even more money that I don’t have. How do you expect me to pay this three-hundred some dollars that I owe? Are you going to assist me by giving me money out of your own pockets, I didn’t think so. Why should I pay this shit when all of it is going to end up in the hands of some unfortunate family who didn’t think there younger years through and had too many kids and now can’t support them. That’s not my fault, why should I help them support kids that I don’t know or care about? It may not end up there it could end up in the hands of someone abusing the welfare system and they are getting a shit load of money they didn’t earn and spend it on drugs and alcohol, again why the fuck should I have to give the money I bust my ass for to support these people it’s not my fucking fault they were stupid when they were younger I don’t know them, I don’t care about them, if they died tomorrow I couldn’t care less. It would probably make me happy because I would possibly get to keep my money, in fact if I would then I wish these people death I want them all to die tomorrow, if I knew who they were I’d kill them myself. There is absolutely no fucking reason I should have to give my money to these people! You government scam artists have big paychecks why don’t you give them your money instead of taking mine you fucking jerks! And another thing, why is it because I make over a certain amount a year you assume I can afford to pay taxes every year, well you couldn’t be more wrong. Prices these days are outrageously high for anything I need to make more then what I am now to even keep up yet you fucktards up there don’t seem to understand that. All in all I think you all up there need to be shot and I’d be overjoyed to do it, there would be no consequence not even death that would make me think twice about busting down the IRS door and starts pumping all your dumbasses full of led, I’d enjoy every minute of it. You all need to die in the most painful slowest way possible because you deserve it for taking money from hard working people and give it to people who are to fucking lazy to get a job and were too stupid when they were younger and got addicted to drugs and had more kids then a rabbit during mating season! I hope you all fucking DIE!


An outraged hard working American!